The S Word
I cannot escape this word lately.. I mean I haven’t particularly tried but it has been popping up everywhere in my life. I know one reason is because God wants me to take inventory of what he has blessed me with. I know he wants me to be a good steward over these things. Honestly, I have not always been. I know most of the time it isn’t sometimes it is out of fear. This is especially true when it comes to talents or finances. I may fear that I either lack or if I return what was given then I will be in lack. This really stems from a lack of trust, which is definitely something I recognize and I am working on.
This time, I want to talk about stewarding over TIME. I can cause myself to get crazy busy. Like… to the point of being completely overwhelmed. Let me tell you about your girl. A little over a year ago my husband and I moved to S. Korea on military orders. I was here in Korea with our 3 children who at the time were 3 months, 3 and 9. We also brought two dogs. And if anybody has read my past blogs you know we are a blended family and I was very very new to military life and adjusting in a new country. I finished my bachelors degree, volunteered with Army Community Service, joined Protestant Women of the Chapel, volunteered with AWANA and since being here I have started my masters degree, gotten a job, fostered a dog, lead children’s church and was my husbands unit’s Family Readiness Group Leader… so guess what happened. Anyybody Anybody? I crashed. DUH!. Worse than that, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing, was getting my best. I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, I kinda do. I wanted my own meaning. Moving here as my husbands “dependent” and feeling so small left me with an identity crisis. That is because I was allowing the world to define who I was rather than trusting who God said I was. God already told me he had a purpose for me before I was even in my mother’s womb. I did not need to throw everything to the wall and see what stuck. I didn’t need to give myself a million titles to feel important. I stopped volunteering at ACS, I stopped volunteering at AWANA, I stopped going to PWOC, I quit the FRG and my gpa fell to 2.9 at school and because I got in on a probationary status they suspended me. SO what did I do? I applied to another college. I got in too.. I was gonna get my degree in a safer field. I figured if they did not want me there than I would go somewhere else. I didn’t even consider that God was making me take a time out. I knew in my heart that I wasn’t supposed to be at that school. That was my fallback because things were not going my way. That was what I was choosing out of fear. So.. I am going to stop moving forward with the other school and just sit my suspension out. I don’t know what is going to happen next and I am constantly having to fight the feeling that I am wasting time when I could be being productive.
Last Sunday I went to the alter with my husband. We kneeled down and we began to pray. As we prayed the spirit interceded for us. The church let out and we were still at the alter. We were in a fight for our marriage, for our lives, for our future and we would not let go lest we be blessed. We needed that. I needed that. So… yea. I am going to sit these three months out and when my job lets out for summer I am going to fight the temptation to be busy. I am going to fight the feelings that come up when others are listing their accomplishments. I don’t know how we as a society (or specifically I) became obsessed with busyness but I trust that I will be okay with sitting and waiting for a few months.
God said he will restore the years that the locust and the canker worm ate. I believe that blessing. If I am being naïve about it in anyway I trust that God will bless my faithfulness. I am going to continue to be a good steward and I am going to sit back and watch my Daddy work.